….but it’s been years. Years since I first started trying to lose weight. It was August 2009. 8 years ago. I was 11 years old. It might not seem awful if I was extremely overweight and just looking for a way to better myself. If I was fringing upon the decay of my health, but I wasn’t. I was a healthy child, but somehow my new reality was obsession and has been since.

 

Every once in a while I starve myself. I’ll binge and purge. I’ll get on a health kick, but generally, I’m just always thinking about weight and constantly binging.

Do you know what it feels like to be in such a cycle? It’s an awful feeling to feel like you’re trapped inside yourself. In your wrong self. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. People say love your body, but the thing is I do….kind of. There are times I look at myself, and I feel great. There are times when my stomach hurts from overeating, and I’m okay with that. Sometimes I’m not, and I rid my stomach of it in the bathroom. Sometimes I don’t drink enough water, and I wake up extremely thirsty. Sometimes I walk up a hill and huff and puff, somewhat of an oddity for me. I want that to change. It isn’t just about being small or tiny. It’s about me wanted to feel good in a swimsuit. About me wanting a butt, for aesthetic and health reasons. I want a waist. I want clothes to fit. I want to be healthy.

I’ve always been a fairly healthy person. I ate okay, and I played sports. Now though I hate exercise. I’m lazy and feel like I’m already behind, so what’s the point. It scares me to go to the gym. I don’t wanna be judged. I don’t want to see my fat jiggling. I want to look normal. I want to look powerful, not ditzy.

When I started to try to lose weight in the first place, my diet became good at times and worse at others. The thing is that I never wanted to do it the healthy way. Results were too slow. Weight didn’t drop off. I loved bread too much. I loved desserts too much. I loved food. Food was my comfort. All these years trying the diets and shortcuts have gotten me no where. I’m back at the beginning…farther from the beginning. Very little have I genuinely tried to lose weight healthily, so maybe it’s time.

I think it is. I want to do this.

Madison

Before you begin to read any further, I want you to know that success does not come in a heartbeat. I know I know. People say that all the time, but somewhere in you, you like to think that there is a  quick fix for this success bug. I wish.

Every single day I wake up I feel like a failure. There are plenty reasons as to why I feel like this, but the main one is believing that there must be some shortcut. The thing is, no matter how hard you try to believe that, it won’t become true. Maybe…just maybe a door opens. No. A window. Maybe a window will crack slightly open to success, but the chances of that happening to any of us are virtually slim to none. Sorry to break it to you, but here are a few reasons why success has not yet come to you.

Mentality

For one reason or another many of us fail to succeed in following those dreams of ours, but why is that? Why do so many of us dream big only to live a life nowhere near the hopes and dreams of our past? Many say it’s because they’ve faced reality. That being a dreamer and being overly optimistic isn’t how people live. That it isn’t how the bills get paid, and it just isn’t how life works. That being too big of a dreamer is being naive and ignorant to what lays directly in front of you, the fact that the number of people that actually achieve those dreams is slim to none. In the end, reality isn’t the one stopping you from achieving those dreams. It’s you.

Having both low self-confidence and low self-esteem is something that has always been a struggle for me, but I’m working on it. I know that others struggle with this as well, and it’s hard. Most of the time, especially with big dreams, you will be the only one that believes in yourself, but that’s hard to do. It’s hard to believe when you feel so low about yourself, and It’s hard to believe when you’re constantly anxious. It’s hard to believe when you haven’t proved yourself, and It’s hard because it is terrifying. That fear is the biggest commonality between each one of us sitting here right now. Fear will stop people dead in their tracks. Fear will hinder even the strongest people, but you must remember that “bliss is on the other side of fear”. That fear can be overcome. Anything that you put your mind to, can be done. You can do it. You have to push those negative thoughts aside. Push them out. Even if for just a little while.

There is no magic way to do this but to help, make sure you’re taking steps to keep your health well-rounded. Having a good diet, regularly exercising, and drinking plenty of water gives your body energy and releases chemicals your body uses to feel better. Not only should you take care of your body, but also remember to take care of your mind and soul. Do yoga. Meditate. Read a book. Listen to some calming music. Read your bible. Turn your electronics off for a while. Go to church. Do things that ease your mind and encourage productivity and positivity. Without the negative thoughts there is clarity, and in within that clarity, it’s just you and your goals.

   Goals

This brings us to the second reason that you probably aren’t achieving the kind of success that you want. When building something strong and powerful it needs a sturdy and reliable base, so it should be the same for building success. The foundation of success begins with a goal. Whether that goal is big or small, a clear, coherent goal gives your success a focal point. The point at which all your success will spiral and build from. Some people think and decide upon a goal, and it’s easy for them to take the steps necessary to attain them. Not all of us are like that though. We need to have a visual. A guide. A plan. We need accountability. The best way is to create a SMART goal. SMART goals are based on an acronym meaning Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Your goals should first be created with something specific mind that you would like to achieve. The next step is that the goal should be measurable in how much, how many, etc. The goals you make should be attainable. Even if they are attainable, but seem overwhelming, it’s always okay to make smaller goals. Next, you should make sure your goals are relevant. Make sure to make goals that are worthwhile and are really what you want. Think about whether you are the one that should really be taking on the task. If you feel the relevance of your goals is good, the last thing you should do is make sure the goal is time bound. Give yourself a date. An amount of time. You will get there. It’s a lot easier when everything is laid out in front of you, and you take your time.  

Another super quick tip about goal-making is once you have your goals set, tell someone. Whether it’s a family member, significant other, or your followers on social media, telling someone will help you stay accountable. Sometimes when you don’t feel like doing something to work towards your goals having someone to push and encourage you makes you want to start working. Not only do they push you to act, they also give you confidence in yourself and your ability to achieve success. Having people that care constantly and genuinely about about you and your goals are like fertilizer to your growth.

Overthinking

Last but not least, you overthink. Like I said before, fear will try to stop you. It’s human nature for change to cause fear, but don’t let yourself get that far. Don’t let fear set in. When an idea and a goal come to mind dive in head first. I’m not saying dive in without any thought. I’m saying that you should act on your dreams as soon as possible before fear sets in. Don’t give those fears time to get into your head. You can do this. So do it.

However, the fear of starting is just half the battle, because during the journey fear will loom. The fear of not knowing how is a big concern of many, but I’m telling you that if you push through you will make it. You will learn. It isn’t only about starting though. You have to follow through and persevere. Making sure your goals are time bound or investing money into your plans definitely help in your efforts to keep on going.

Remember: Success is an investment. You may not see results immediately, but they will come.

Madison